


Drifting Far Away

by gubbins



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, One Shot, This is just pure pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gubbins/pseuds/gubbins
Summary: The flames roar, and Anakin slips away.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 15
Kudos: 51





	Drifting Far Away

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on the AMAZING artwork by @kyitsya on tumblr. I saw it and was like "I need a one shot based on this", and well, this happened. 
> 
> find the art at this link (ao3 isn't letting the link work and my computer keeps glitching so i'm just putting the URL here, sorry it's not aesthetically pleasing but whatever) 
> 
> https://kyitsya.tumblr.com/post/635505123880271872/an-angsty-take-on-iamsonny-j-s-hug-drawing-from
> 
> anyways, enjoy!

He feels wrong. Cold. Broken. Cracked. Everything is spiraling and he doesn’t know how to fix it ( _he thought he was fixing it_ ), because Obi-Wan is in pain and it’s his fault. 

Or maybe not. He’s too gone to care, now. He just needs to get off this planet, away from Obi-Wan, away from the fire and lava that’s going to eat him alive. 

Anakin, or Vader, _(_ _he doesn’t know and it’s too blurry to try to figure it out_ _)_ hears himself speak, yelling words at Obi-Wan, who replies sounding hurt and upset. He doesn’t understand why. He’s doing this for _him_ , for them, so they’ll be safe at last. 

They’ll find Ahsoka and Rex and then they’ll leave, they’ll kill Palpatine and they’ll leave and they’ll be happy. Right? Right. That’s the plan. 

Now if only Obi-Wan would _listen._

“Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy!” 

He doesn’t hear that part. He’s focused on the first word.

_Am I still Anakin? I don’t know anymore._

He yells something back. They go back and forth for a moment, and he faces away from Obi-Wan, for he doesn’t want to see his face anymore. 

He just wants this to be over. 

Then, he hears the ignition of a lightsaber. A wave of _betrayal-anger-hurt_ sweeps through him, and how did it ever come to this? 

He doesn’t see Obi-Wan’s face until he’s flying through the air, his own weapon ignited, the blue blade erratic and unforgiving. He is raw power, unhinged, and he’s going to unleash it on Obi-Wan until he _listens._

As the two of them fight, they both feel something breaking in the Force. Their bond crumbles, pieces falling away as they continue their battle. 

_It was never supposed to be like this. You were supposed to listen, to help,_ he thinks. 

A small, small voice whispers, _you were supposed to help me._ He pushes it away. He is ruined and breaking and crumbling but, when this is all over, Obi-Wan will listen and they will turn this galaxy into something worthwhile. 

(They both know that won’t happen. There is only one way this ends: one of them leaving alone, an empty shell who has lost its other half. 

Isn’t it a great tragedy, when two people so connected find themselves at odds? 

Isn’t it a tragedy when soulmates break each other’s hearts? What a wicked thing. 

_Infinite sadness indeed._ ) 

Vader, or Anakin, ( _but Anakin feels wrong, lost, gone_ ) doesn’t know why he’s doing this. Suddenly, he’s trying to kill Obi, after he’s just killed so many- there’s blood on his hands, he knows… but is he going to stop? 

No. He can’t.

He watches with a combination of satisfaction and pain as Obi-Wan chokes, with Vader twisting the Force around his love’s throat. He doesn’t want Obi to die. He just wants him to understand. 

He wants- needs- Obi-Wan to understand _why_. 

_Why? why. Whywhywhywhywhy._

_I’m gone, Obi, I’m gone, and I need you to take me home._

(He doesn’t know where home is anymore.) 

_I’m doing this for you,_ he thinks, and fools himself into thinking Obi would hear it. He fools himself into thinking Obi can pick up on the pain disguised as rage, the love disguised as hate. He is drowning in flames, and as they yell and fight and battle across Mustafar, he can feel them overtake him, until the only thing in him is fire. 

And finally, they stop, with Vader standing at the bottom of the bank, and Obi up a ways. 

_So close, but so so so far away._

Obi reaches out a hand, one silver tear sliding down his cheek. Vader wants to swipe it away, but he can’t. He would’ve once, for Obi-Wan’s tears always meant pain- and he never _ever_ wanted Obi to be in pain. 

But he can’t, now. Obi-Wan’s reaching out to him, but he can’t take his hand, not the way Obi wants him to. Obi-Wan wants him to be Anakin. He believes in Anakin, he loves Anakin. But Vader is not Anakin. 

Obi-Wan does not love Vader.

But, in his own way, Vader loves Obi and is silently begging him to understand. 

_Understand why I am breaking. Understand why I hate you. Understand how much I love you._

_i love you i love you i love you and i’m_ **_sorry_ **

For a moment, something flickers, and he registers Obi-Wan’s gasp. Gingerly, Vader rubs a calloused finger over his own right eye, the tears just barely not flowing. 

(His eye is blue. His eye is blue. 

Though one is still gold, Obi-Wan lets himself hope. He lets himself hope that deep down, Anakin is still there, hidden behind that gold eye, clawing out through the sky-blue one that remains. 

He reaches out, as he always would for the one he holds most dear.) 

“ _Anakin_ ,” he whispers, just loud enough for Anakin to hear. 

_Please, please still be there,_ he thinks but doesn’t say. 

(One hand grasps another. Ashes coat their fingertips, and water flows from their eyes. They reach for each other. They reach for each other, because they need each other, they need each other. Even now. 

Always.) 

_h e l p m e, Obi-Wan, i’m sc a r ed_

_i’m scared of me, i’m scared of you, i’m scared of everything and i need your_ **_help_ **

For a moment, Vader lets Obi hold him, and he can’t imagine not loving Obi’s embrace. But he hates it, too. 

(He hates Obi-Wan. But, at the same time, he loves him, and he needs him so bad it hurts.)

Time stops, the world fades, the roar of lava becoming a dull hum. They hold on tight, neither wanting to let go. 

“You’re alright, you’re okay. I have you.” 

_Obi, I really wish that were true,_ Vader thinks. His eyes are closed, and he feels the last parts of his old self disintegrate. 

Over the roar of flames, the ignition of a lightsaber could be heard. Vader chokes, and he feels Obi-Wan fade away. The last echoes of their bond are alight with _surprise-love-pain_ , from both of them. 

(Neither knew he was, or would ever be, capable of _that_.) 

_i’m s o r r y_

Vader opens his eyes- they’re as gold as the fires, now. The tears flow openly. 

He stays there, in a dying Obi-Wan’s embrace, until he finally turns off his lightsaber and watches as Obi collapses. 

His eyes are empty. Dead. Dead. Obi-Wan’s dead. 

Vader falls to his knees beside the corpse, pressing a wet kiss to Obi’s cold forehead. 

“I love you,” Vader says quietly. He takes the second lightsaber, then throws it into the lava river- the last remnant of Obi-Wan Kenobi, gone. 

He gets up, walking up the bank with his comm in his hand. For a second, he turns back, letting one last tear fall before he goes to the shuttle. 

_I love you, and I’m sorry, Obi.  
_

(But not sorry enough.) 

**Author's Note:**

> hop in my clown car of pain, everyone.


End file.
